I can see clearly now.......

Some time ago I bought some new contact lenses in Spain.

When they arrived the prescription was wrong. While I could see reasonably well out of one eye, the other was little better than my own very short-sighted vision.

After a few months, one eye was feeling a bit itchy so I took the lens out. It had ripped across the middle - not completely, but very nearly. Certainly more than half way.

I gazed at the offending torn lens and felt slightly sick at the thought of having narrowly escaped two shards of plastic scratching around in my eye.

At this point I went back to the previous lenses which I must have had for ten years. Although somewhat battered and knocked around, they were still intact. Just not brill vision as my eyesight has deteriorated since I bought those lenses.

Sadly the other day I dropped one of them on the floor. Even more sadly it happened to be the one lens that was the better prescription.

Despite not vacuuming (not something I do much of anyway), examining the contents of the dustpan every time I swept up, and crawling around on my hands and knees, I found nothing but dog fur, dust and grit.

There was no way round it, I was going to have go through the tedious eye-testing process again.

For anyone who doesn't wear contact lenses, it basically takes twice as long as a normal eye-test and your eyes get filled with yellow gunk. Then there is the cost. And I am not fond of spending money if I can avoid it. Shopaholic me - never.

Partner suggested I get some glasses. He thought it would be more sensible than me crawling around on the floor every time I dropped a lens.

So I wandered into the local opticians and had a look at some frames. Mmm. Yes, there was quite a nice dark brown pair. I decided I could cultivate a new image. The sort-of librarian look. To any librarians out there this is not a derogatory comment. I was thinking, thoughtful, serious, intellectual. I asked the price. They were something over a hundred quid. Not cheap - to my way of thinking. Although there were cheaper frames. There were also dearer ones.

I wondered if I could get some of those cheap off-the-shelf jobbies from the supermarket like Partner wears for reading. Nope. They are only for long-sighted people. They don't do the same stuff for us myopic types.

I bit the bullet and made the appointment. Partner came to help choose the frames. We all - me, him, the three staff in the shop - agreed on the same pair of frames.

Gucci. I ask you. How embarrassing. I have never bought anything by Gucci in my life and I end up with a pair of designer spectacle frames. I am sure it would be perfectly possible to design a pair of brown frames without putting that all-important double G sign on them.

Still, they looked better than all the others. And much better than the Prada ones that had disgusting pieces of diamanté on them. Diamanté on spectacle frames? Definitely not me.

I decided I wanted contact lenses too. Hard ones. PMMA. The nice easy-to-maintain, tough-as-old-boots ones that I have managed with for the last 20 years. My optician said she would need to get a price. Heart sank on hearing that.

In the meantime, they would try and get my spare pair of glasses (it was "buy one get one free" although unsurprisingly the free one did not include another pair of Gucci frames) made up as quickly as possible.

A couple of days later the lenses had arrived for the free pair so I went to collect them. The flash Gucci number arrived another week or so after that, and then a couple of days ago my contact lenses arrived too.

Total time from start to finish? Around two weeks. Cost of glasses (two pairs), eye test, and clip on sun-things - equivalent to one week of Partner's take home pay. The contact lenses were not dear - cheaper (and better) than the ones I bought in Spain, and also cheaper than the spectacle frames. The prescription seems fine too, and the service has been excellent.

To anyone in Gib or Spain, I totally recommend Gache and Co opticians, just off Main Street in Cathedral Square.

That all-important double G for Gucci logo

Today I got on my bike

It's a bit of a pain when it's windy.

Did you know the Costa del Sol used to be called the Costa del Viento before some marketing person got their hands on tourism?

Or so I read in a book in the days before broadband access. And for anyone who doesn't speak Spanish - that's sunny coast, and windy coast.

It's normally always sunny, even when it's windy. But when it's windy most Spaniards stay inside. So do the rest of us, especially if we wear contact lenses.

Anyway, if you find that miracle window of opportunity, you can get out on the bike when there is a nice breeze, rather than a full gale blowing dust devils in your face.

And normally the motorists are ok too. Especially as they now have to leave a two metre gap when they go past a cyclist.

Of course in my village they don't know that. That's because half of them don't read, don't have a driving licence, don't have insurance, so certainly have no idea the law has changed.

Fortunately, because of all of the above, they don't drive fast either.

I cycled down the street to the crossroads and followed a car left onto the main road through the village. As usual there was some typical Spanish delay, so there was suddenly a three-car traffic jam.

There was nothing coming the other way so I indicated to turn left and started overtaking them. One of the motorists also twigged there was nothing coming the other way, so he did the same thing (although he wasn't turning left). Without indicating. Into exactly the same path I was taking.

Had this guy not seen me? Despite the fact that he was driving down the main street and I had pulled out behind him when everything was clear? Do cyclists not exist?

For all I know his eyesight may well be poor. People round here don't buy glasses lightly. My neighbour uses her husband's glasses when she wants to sew. Obviously not for reading because she can't. This guy may not even know how bad his eyesight is. Or his driving.

Sometimes assertive cycling means getting out of the way. And taking slight consolation in shouting helpful suggestions in loud English at blind motorists.